My Projects and Progress So Far

I do hope that this time I could entertain you guys with my travel stories. Sadly, I’m not going to do that today.

I told myself to update my blog at least once a month. I failed to fulfill my own command. July 2016 was the last month I posted on this blog. Really regret myself for not being discipline.

There have been lots of things happening. So last year I became a maniac joining academic conferences, presenting my immature papers. I became exhausted myself. Last August I looked for a music school. I said to myself I didn’t want to grow old dealing with academic stuffs without doing other activities that I liked. So I enrolled in a music school which is close to my house and has a good reputation. I wanted to take a course in guitar, wanting to develop my guitar skill that remained stagnant for years. However, they recommended me to take a piano lesson. I half-heartedly agreed. But now I see how it has improved my music skill; I read the notes faster and somehow understand musical theory better. This August I’m joining a piano competition. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

I also plan to start writing, perhaps will be publishing my book after the competition. Hopefully I will be a better writer. People around me are getting money and here I struggling to develop myself.

Before I graduated college, I thought to work somewhere that requires me to move dynamically since I’m the type of person who easily gets bored. At least I’ve succeeded this time.

Fii Cairo in 2012

I love writing about my travel experiences but unfortunately I’m not the type of person who can be your best tour guide (I wish I could try to work as a tour guide, say, for a couple of months?).

First of all, normally I do not set a detailed plan when I’m travelling. I’m not the kind of person who would say, “Hey, I should see every tourist attraction in this city!” Instead, I would say, “I’ll just walk anywhere as far as I could.” Think about it; Lonely Planet has mentioned places to go, and travel blogs have given the readers some tips on travelling to certain places. Am I gonna do the same thing? No. Because I can’t.

Secondly, I usually forgot how much I had spent for travels, and I am certain I do not have sufficient knowledge on the places I’ve been to. Let’s say I spent $60 for the hotel (or hostel), but maybe that’s not the cheapest one. So why would I recommend you a $60 hotel if it can be cheaper?

Thirdly, when I travel I get awestruck most of the time which makes me forget to take pictures. Plus, my camera is never that good. So, yeah, I pretty much envy travel bloggers who successfully create an extremely wonderful documentation on their journeys.

So let’s call this a travel story.

Do recognize that I’ll keep posting my travel stories instead of tips how to travel.

This one happens in 2012. On my way to Den Haag (the Hague), my flight itinerary forced me to stay in Egypt for a night. I was actually happy that I could say hi to Egypt again after 9 years. Me and my family went there for a night and a couple of days before flying to Rabat. I remembered Cairo as a beautiful city with shisha cafes everywhere. I also got a gold pendant in which my name was written on it in ancient Egyptian scripture (but I lost it *cry*).

But Cairo was different in 2012. After the horrendous Egyptian protests the city turned into a … well, still that Cairo, but gloomier. Much gloomier. I guess I was lucky that I didn’t see a mob protesting right in front of me when I was there.

My Dad’s friend picked me up in the airport and told me he’s preparing a surprise for me. Ta-da! Ta-da! And the surprise was he was going to bring me to the Pyramid.

Unfortunately the traffic was terrible. We arrived there before 4PM. But after the Egyptian protests the Pyramid complex is closed at 3.30 PM. Dad’s friend told me it used to open until 5PM. I felt bad for Dad’s friend and for everyone in Cairo. But my Dad’s friend tried to negotiate with the gangsters there, and they agreed. They said we had to go from the back gate. With a horse cart. And the journey began!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!

The horseman ran the cart like hell. It was raining a bit and was windy. I hoped my jacket didn’t fly away. The horseman talked to his friend (who was also with us) in a harsh Egyptian Arabic accent that I could not understand, but somehow sounded familiar to me who lived in Arab countries for 4 years. My Dad’s friend seemed worried. I couldn’t stop laughing all the time.

Hey, you said we’re going to the Pyramid secretly! Can’t you see this is the main road??

Good horsie, we’ve arrived!

Oh look! A beautiful camel!

We didn’t walk closer to the pyramids. The gangsters/security guards refrained us from entering further. But it’s really fine. I enjoyed the ride to the Pyramid’s back gate.

In order to see the whole Pyramid complex we need to go to the nearby KFC’s second floor. Yup, there is a KFC restaurant at the opposite side of the Pyramid’s back gate. Nothing else was there but houses. I think there was a souvenir shop or two, but they were closed. We weren’t hungry at all, but Dad’s friend decided to get something from KFC to let me see the view. He’s very kind.

Oh Pharaoh, I demand my KFC bucket to be served!

Dad’s friend asked me if I was afraid. I said not at all, I enjoyed the ride very much. He looked unconvinced. We nibbled the chicken anyway.

I hope you enjoy reading this post. It is 3AM now and I feel goofy for no reason. By the way I’ve already warned you my photography skill is the lowest of all, and that my camera is not something to be proud of.

Cheers!

The American Dream

 

I remember my professor talked about American Dream in our English Literature class. I had no idea what it was about. America (or the States) is a land of hope and opportunity. Make a wish and make your dream come true.

Okay.

Last month me and my family went to US again. We used to live there 18 years ago. I spent the first few years of my life there and unfortunately I didn’t remember much but the preschool, play-doh and the hot dog cart around the neighborhood. I was glad that we had the chance to stay there again for 3 weeks.

And the people we met are great. I don’t know why Indonesians get a huge compliment for being friendly. I think the Americans are even friendlier. Way friendlier. We were not treated as foreigners and I guess that’s because there are many people from all around the world that come to the US to live. The American Dream has attracted them to reach their dreams.

At least that’s what I’ve understood after talking to some people. On our first day we met a Sudanese driver who said he’s been living in the states since he was 14. He wants his daughters to get the best education. At another occasion we met a Nepalese driver who claimed he lived in Germany for years before moving here. He actually prefers Germany but he had never had the chance to expand his career path, so he decided to join his successful brother in the States, “Here, they don’t see who you are and where you come from. If you’re good they’ll hire you.” A Dominican girl told me she has just moves to the States recently. “Working here is not as easy as it seems,” but she dreams of living in the States too.

For some reasons I also wanted to stay in the States a little bit longer. I hope I could spend a couple of years there again. Living in the States seems to be a good idea. Wouldn’t it be convenient and fun? Wouldn’t I be treated equally and have the same opportunity as everybody else?

We all have that American Dream and no we don’t care about Trump or Clinton.

(re)writing personal data

We were told by a tutor to write our own personal data that catches the eyes of the viewers. I did this activity many times when I was younger (pretty sure it was a thing for young girls in the 90’s and early 00’s, or maybe until now?). I found it hilariously familiar to rewrite my personal data with colourful pens, and I could write anything that I wanted 🙂

But I realized I stopped writing too much about myself. So here’s my short personal data:

Name: Andreia RF.

DOB: 26/02

Address: South Jakarta

Hobbies: Reading, Singing, Travelling

Ambition: To be a wise person (?)

Fav Quote: “Whatever happens happens.”

It was fun actually. I think it doesn’t really tell the viewers who I am.

I can’t even tell who I am.

A Small Space to Breathe

I’m 23 years old. I’m a lecturer in the most prestigious university of my country. I am financially OK, comparing to people of my age. I have my whole family supporting me, and we’re all doing well. I’ve attained my master’s degree and am getting ready for PhD. I don’t have a boyfriend now, and I’m not thinking about finding my love life right now either. I have some friends who I think are helpful enough to keep me up, somehow I can’t hope them to be my “best friends” from the way they treat me. But anyway, life is good for me so far. I struggled for the past few years on everything, but that’s how I learned to life like now. I worked hard to get the things that, perhaps, many people want. After getting home from work I did other things that I believed I should do. But then I tripped myself. I felt miserable, not because I did too much work, but because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

And I still don’t.

I tried to find out why I didn’t feel content after getting all. Was I ungrateful enough or there’s something else? I began to think that I did everything not for me, but for other people’s expectations.

Two weeks ago I watched Eat Pray Love, basically to see how the three countries; Italy, India and Indonesia (Bali) are portrayed in the movie. Aside from thinking that the story writer/s only captured the beautiful tourist spots there and made the viewers to imagine how easy it is to travel to those countries all by themselves without knowing the local languages (as someone who’ve been to the three countries, I beg to differ), I also thought that at some point of time, we, although we’ve had everything on our hands, feel clueless on what we are doing. That’s the phase that I went through, I guess. And who knows I’ll experience such thing again years later.

I thought I’ve made people around me happy, but not me. I wanna enjoy life, play music, travel, take some time to be with myself doing what I actually want even though my mind keeps changing. Those are the things I really want but I haven’t got the time to do because I was occupied with other stuffs. It was hard for me to convince my mother that I was depressed since nothing seems wrong with me. But she’s the person that I think should always be the first to know my problems. Yeah, we yelled at each other and then I cried in front of her, but then she understood what happened to me and she convinced me it’s alright to do what I want to do. Nobody was forcing me to do something, but I gave myself pressures to do things that I thought people expected.

Finally, I gave myself a small space to breathe. I try to no longer push myself to my limit, nor I set a high target for myself. But I still make another kind of target, though. It’s a habit that I can’t avoid he he. I hope this year I’ll travel a lot and try many new things. I’ll do trekking, hiking, diving, surfing, swimming on beaches, going wild and stuffs, and maybe I’ll try to look for another part-time career which I always think is out of my league. There I say it.

What do you guys think? Have you also experienced such thing? How did you make everything fine again? 🙂

Timor Leste dan Sepuluh Juta Rupiah

backpackstory

Saat ini, apabila ada yang bertanya, “Habis ini pengin jalan-jalan ke mana lagi?” maka saya tanpa ragu akan menjawab “Timor Leste!”. Hal itu bukanlah tanpa alasan, karena selain dikenal mempunyai cadangan minyak yang berlimpah di celah Timor (yang diprediksi dapat memulihkan krisis minyak di Indonesia), Timor Leste juga konon memiliki objek-objek wisata yang mempesona.

Maka gak heran kan, kalau Indonesia sebenarnya tak rela kalau Timor Leste lepas, layaknya cinta pertama yang sudah lama bersama lalu berpisah dengan mengatakan, “Maaf Mas, kamu terlalu baik buat aku. Aku ingin konsentrasi belajar dulu.” dan kemudian tiba-tiba sudah bersama yang lain.

Cukup bersedihnya, mari kita move on. Kembali ke pertanyaan, mengapa saya belum sempat mewujudkan keinginan saya tersebut? Ada dua faktor yang menyebabkannya, yang pertama adalah waktu, dan yang terakhir adalah biaya.

Waktu, karena saya sebagai pekerja kantoran yang memiliki jatah cuti terbatas, dan sudah saya habiskan sepanjang tahun ini, dan apesnya tambahan cuti…

View original post 1,565 more words

Minang: The Largest Matrilineal Society in the World?

What am I actually doing tonight? I’m supposed to do my homework but, eh, never mind. So let’s talk about Minang, a tribe or a community from Indonesia which today is said to be the largest matrilineal society in the world today. According to stories long time ago there were more matrilineal communities but they’ve changed and nowadays they’ve embraced patrilineality. However, the stubbornly conservative Minangs wish to preserve their matrilineality.

My mother is of Minang descent and she carries her clan  name to her children. Somehow I feel proud of being a Minang girl because it’s unique to be a part of a matrilineal community these days. More importantly, we’re seen as having stronger positions in the family and we women inherit the properties of our parents and of our ancestors. Minang women are generally known for their wits and their determinations.

I’m afraid that I sound culturally bias and ethnocentric.

But I think my mother and my grandmother have been feminists before it was cool. They keep giving me and my sisters advice on how to become a strong independent girl, like; “Never love a man with all your heart. Love yourself first.”; “Go and climb that tree yourself to take the fruits you want.”; “What is bride price? A marriage is a marriage, not a transaction!”; “Women are stronger than men. Just look at your Dad, he’s been sleeping after working in the office. Now look at me still taking care of you after work.”; “Women should earn their own money. Lots and lots of money.”; etc.

Once I talked about my precarious career to my mother. I said, “Fortunately I’m a girl so I I guess it’s okay if I couldn’t earn much.” Mother then stared at me, “What? You’re a girl and what?”

Well yes, I’ve been influenced by other patrilineal at patriarchal cultures as well, so maybe that’s why we had different thoughts. But I could really understand my mother’s point of view. She said, “Many (or most) people underestimate women. Don’t shy away, be strong so that no one will hurt you.”

I love you Mom.

I’ve heard a number of people said, “Women nowadays are expected to do so much things; housework, career, taking care of babies and household financial. Poor women.” I think it is a good thing, indeed. I wouldn’t want to only do domestic works without getting paid directly and without building reputation. Poor me, if that happens.

Anyway, aside from that I’m going to write about the matriarchal culture in practice. Some anthropologists argue that Minang is not only matrilineal but also matriarchal. This could be seen from the participation of women in the society and in rituals. I thought so too, as I see my mother’s and my grandmother’s ideas and actions. I never grew up there, so I had no idea. Till today, maybe. When I visited my mother’s hometown three years ago I learned that it wasn’t exactly how I imagined.

Okay, the picture above is not mine. No, those aren’t German flags either.

What is matriarchy, exactly? Can we define what are matriarchy and patriarchy? The terms become vague as they both exist in the same society concurrently. What differs is the level in each society. I thought there was a clear distinction between the two, but now I beg to differ.

Patriarchy is still seen in the present-day Minang society, but at the same time matriarchy is adhered as well. Mothers (and women) in most families are vocal in making decisions. Sometimes the husbands do not interrupt their wives’ arguments (I knew this from seeing my parents’ everyday interactions and from reading books and novels on Minang culture). But what I see in my mother’s hometown is that men deal with foreign affairs, or inter-clan affairs. When my grandmother held an open-house party in her house (yes, her very own house built on her very own land), the men sat on the living room as guests while the women cooked in the kitchen the whole day. As someone who couldn’t cook I gave up in helping them in the kitchen, but it seemed impossible for me to be in the living room either because it wasn’t the place for me to sit. Now I saw that even if the women there access more freedom, doesn’t mean they’re free from gender expectations.

Can we live in a genderless society? We never know.

Before I stop typing here’s a beautifully drawn picture of a Minang lady. 

from http://assattari.deviantart.com/art/Limpapeh-Nagari-Sambilan-442223517

The Minangs love red and yellow and black so much.

Hope you enjoy reading this long post. I include pictures so that it will be more interesting. See you.

Fitting In: Adulthood and the Struggles

I once saw a 4-panel comic strip portraying a piece of puzzle who has just received his diploma and had to cut part of his head and bled in order to complete the whole puzzle. What a poor thing.

Although I must agree with the comic from my experiences, I have to say that it shouldn’t be pictured that way.

It is what adulthood about. And it is not so bad to ‘cut’ part of your head.

Most of us who have taken professional jobs must have understood what it means to deal with people. It isn’t easy at all, to start with. You may have all the skills that you need to have but socializing with the community is another different thing. It was easy for me to get A’s in my classes because my teachers would only assess my writings and my (individual) academic presentations. Now as I dove to the society I had fights with myself.

I cut part of my head, and my heart.

I remembered after a week working I ran to my friend’s house to complain about all the stuffs I had faced that time. I worked in a school. It was fortunate for me to work in a school run by my parents, but stupid me, I didn’t know being a teacher is that tough. I was a reserved person and I had to talk to people; students, colleagues, other staffs, parents and the principal. I should have worked in front of the computer, I told myself – although it wouldn’t guarantee that I would handle the job well either.

Ever since I learned to speak and to mind my words. Such a long story that I’ve forgotten most parts where I battled myself. I learned how to be firm yet polite, I learned basic teacher skills like how to make the students pay attention and how to yell at them (lol) when they fight one another in the class. I knew that they might be remembering things that I say in the class and tell what they think about me to their parents, so really, I gotta be careful!

I thought of quitting my current job several times because I thought I wasn’t a good role model (I still do and I still am!). I keep telling the students to behave well while I’m breaking the rules. My mother, however, keeps persuading me (with her unusual way, as usual) to keep the job. Perhaps because she feels I’m also responsible for the family business. I couldn’t move anywhere.

After 3 years I work part time in the university as a lecturer, as an assistant of a professor and as a secretary. All of these are part-time jobs so actually I don’t fully know the sh*ts I’m doing. I get less sleep and learn more. I am satisfied anyway because I get to know how to become an ‘adult.’ It doesn’t sound fun, I know. But facing adulthood isn’t the same thing like bleeding your head to get yourself into the society. Adulthood is like, finding yourself and where you stand. I didn’t know about this too; at first I faked everything and I felt hurt, as in, I didn’t show my real self. Apparently, I was wrong. That ‘me’ in public is supposed to be the combination of my id and my superego, and that what makes me and everybody else unique.

If I do not wish to do something that most people do, it is okay as long as I can take the criticism and as long as I know my obligation and the results of things that I do. Of course, I do not always know the consequences of my actions, but that doubles the fun. I got kicked infinite times and got to learn from the experiences. Sounds badass af. The more I try to realize myself the harder the challenges are and so the harder I push my limit. That is what adulthood about. You learn the hard ways.

Still shitty anyway, eh.

Adulthood will always torture you, but that’s what life is about. You ‘live’ when you struggle. Glad to say that I feel I’ve become a better, responsible person everyday (well not always) and so I am content. Wish the same for you who are battling into adulthood. 😉

Acting Up as a Teacher and a Student

I find myself having binary personality disorder, behaving in two different manners, depending on what I am in the situation. I am a teacher and a lecturer, I was still a student last year. For two years I was a teacher and a student at the same time. Whenever I teach I try my best to come on time, to dress up, and to know everything. I am certain that whatever I say is true, although sometimes I ask the students what they think. When I became the student, I can guarantee you that I would come late, play around in the class, not care of what I wear or how my head looked like, and I couldn’t be so sure if my answers were right, although I had found the answers from the book of from the actions of contemplating. I might look like a clueless person. Even as a teacher I may be doubtful sometimes but I always think that I must have understood the lesson.

Next year, hopefully I will continue my studies if I get a scholarship and get accepted by the university that I long for. I don’t know how will I be in the class. I hope I won’t mess up there, coming late to the lectures, thinking nonsensical matters while waiting for the break time to come.

A Bitter Friendship with Eating Disorder

I hope that by sharing this to you guys you’ll have some sketch on how eating disorder affects the victims (which the victims victimized themselves) and I really wish that more people will be avoiding any kind of eating disorder.

So, yes. I had an eating disorder. I had. Thankfully not any more, but not before fighting against myself for.. 1, 2, 3, well 3 and a half years! I can’t believe it. I had a crash diet for almost a year – not even a year, but it affected me for like, ever. Please don’t, in any circumstance, attempt to have a fad diet! This did not only happen to me, but to my friends as well who had had an experience with the evil drastic weight loss program.

So here’s my story:

I grew up doing sports and I was proud of it. One thing that I didn’t realize was that I began to eat too much. Back then, I thought it was fine since I had just had a tiring day, and besides, I could grow even taller. I sometimes kept having a large meal despite not doing sports. When I almost turned 17, I became overweight. I didn’t notice this until I saw my own photos. My mother told me that I became so big (tall and fat, that is), and sometimes my friends made some joke about it. I didn’t mind at first, but I thought I got too many negative comments on how I looked so I thought I should change.I also began to know that most guys prefer petite girls, and yeah, I was 16-17 at that time, so you know I really thought it was a big deal.

And then I had a fad diet.

Of course, the decision wasn’t made just like that. At 18 I started to watch my diet. I checked my scale regularly, I didn’t take snacks, I waited for lunch until 2 PM – which is late, I did sports religiously, I had a bowl of soup for dinner. I lost my weight very fast, about 5 kgs in the first month. I thought I would be satisfied because then I would only need to lose 3 more kilograms to get the “ideal” weigh. But, no, I wasn’t. I kept my program for the next few months. I lost 17 kgs in barely 3 months.

How did I do that?

It is easier to lose more weight if you’re overweight but I wasn’t overweight any more. What I did was really insane. I did sports for 2 hours, I only eat a fruit (a banana, an apple, a mango or an orange) in the morning and a small portion of lunch. I drank laxative.

I got obsessed. Even worse, for 2 weeks I only consumed a glass of milk and an apple a day and I still exercised sometimes up to 3 hours daily. Back then I didn’t have much thing to do, I didn’t study much nor think much so it was fine. If I grew drowsy I could just sleep.

I reached my limit when I thought this would harm me. I ate more the next days, but then it made me felt really insecure. I kept doing exercises though, and I gained 3 kgs in a week. I struggled to accept it.

I never accepted it, while I kept gaining weight. The reason why I gained because I binged. There were times when I couldn’t feel hunger nor feel full. Eating or not eating didn’t affect me, and this was really strange. I still don’t know if that was only psychological or perhaps had disturbed the biological. After binge eating I felt irritated of myself, and felt embarrassed of my own body, and guilty.

Whenever I see people eating I wondered if they would become fat (yes, I had turned into a mad man). This cycle kept going on and on and on. Luckily I found a friend who said she had defeated her eating disorder. She lost more weight, sure, not as skinny as before but she’s much healthier and happier. I guessed it was time for me to say good bye this eating disorder too.  It wasn’t easy, once again. I tried to love myself back. I shouldn’t think of anything negative every time I eat. If I have a hectic schedule and eat more I should think of it as a treat. I ask myself if I really want to do this or that, and act accordingly. Surprisingly I started to lose weight again, not that drastic, though.

I think I can say that I’m free.

It’s embarrassing, actually, to write about this. This sounds like an unimportant First World problem very much. But seriously, it is a real disorder, and I regret myself for letting this to happen to me. The key to get out of this eating disorder sounds simple but it was difficult because I felt like I had done so much in controlling my weight, but still I couldn’t get anywhere. I had hurt my body badly for nothing, I had risked my health just to hope that the dress exhibited at the shops to fit, and to hope that people would compliment my appearance. But I didn’t get any. Even if I did, I couldn’t feel happy with what I had become. That’s how I felt when I faced eating disorder. Pretty sure this is being felt by some people at the moment as well.

Thanks for reading 🙂 means a lot.